For those of you not living entirely in the blogosphere, an iPod Random Ten is a listing of the next ten songs on your iPod set on Shuffle mode — a microcosm of your musical tastes. (See a recent example here.) As far as I can tell, it’s meant to be a Rorschach test of your cool quotient.

Pictures of other people’s perfect musical tastes make me sick and wicked. I’m hopelessly musically uncool. I’ve never even heard anything by Sleater-Kinney, and I didn’t even know Rilo Kiley existed until he…she…they started popping up on all these lists. I’m bitter about these hip, well-rounded catalogs. I suspect you cheat. That’s right. I just know you’re skipping “Uptown Girl” to get to Belle and Sebastian.

Let’s take the subjectivity out of this. I propose a scoring system that will allow us to quantify just how hip and eclectic we are. How about this:

+1 point for each distinct genre in the list

+1 point for each decade represented

+1 point for each song in a language other than English

+1 point for each instrumental, up to 3 (after 3, begin taking away 1 point for each instrumental)

+1 point if the solo artists on the list are equally balanced between male and female

-1 point for each genre represented by three or more songs

-1 point for each artist represented more than once

-1 point for each “top ten” song in any genre

-1 point for any song with a video in which a wind or fog machine features prominently

How did I do? Here’s my top ten from my most recent run:

1. “Old Macdonald Had a Band” - Raffi. Okay, so I haven’t figured out how to exclude Aitch’s music from my iPod.
2. “Miracles” - Jefferson Airplane. Whenever I hear this song, I picture the band members (who, in my memory, look something like Hall and Oates, plus Grace Slick) in flowing robes, perched at the top of a cliff, singing earnestly. The song is beyond cheesy, but its key changes and volume progression make it a really great running song.
3. “Wedding Bell Blues” - 5th Dimension. I have always loved this song, especially the heartfelt “Bill!” at the beginning. Unfortunately, Husband’s name is not Bill. (I do have a children’s book by Rudy Giuliani, though, autographed from him to “William” — the name Husband’s family mistakenly thought we chose for Aitch.)
4. “If I Were a Cup” - Steve Weeks. Another children’s song, but one that is so cool you might mistake it for the latest Josh Whoever (or other hip acoustical artist). Great lyrics - “Being unfriendly’s not for me/So a clam with charisma is what I’d be…”.
5. “So Like Candy” - Elvis Costello. Love Elvis.
6. “Do They Know It’s Christmas Time” - Bono et al. I haven’t figured out how to exclude my Christmas songs, either.
7. “I Don’t Like Mondays” - Boomtown Rats. Wasn’t Geldof involved in #6 as well?
8. “Danny Don’t” - Steve Weeks. More kids’ stuff, but catchy.
9. “Faded Love” - Asleep at the Wheel. I have no idea what this is or why I have it.
10. “Boots Are Made for Walking” - Nancy Sinatra. This song has the perfect beat for running. I also love Nancy Sinatra, because her singing voice is exactly like mine — flat and tuneless. And you can’t beat the lyrics: “You keep lyin’ when you oughta be truthin’… You keep samin’ when you oughta be changin’….” Nance, buy a verb!

So, let’s tote up the cool:

Genres: Roughly six, so +6.
Decades: I’m too lazy to Google it all - let’s say 3, so +3 = 9.
No instrumentals, no languages other than English (unless you count Boots).
Five solo artists, but only one female: no points there.
Genre of children’s music represented by 3 songs: -1 = 8.
One artist represented more than once: -1 = 7.
Top ten songs: let’s say -5 = 2.
Video with wind/fog machine: “Miracles,” most likely, so -1 = 1.

Total cool quotient: 1. I’m so proud.