One minor luxury that comes with business travel is beyond-basic cable. So far, I’ve watched two episodes from the “Law and Order” franchise on the all-day “Law and Order” channel that we don’t get at home. (Not exactly a strong argument for expanding our cable offerings.) I also woke up to this story on CNN this morning: A girl in Oregon was given detention for hugging her boyfriend in a middle school hallway.

Yep, that’s it. Kid gets detention. That’s the whole story, as Carol Costello discovered to her chagrin as she conducted an excruciatingly dull interview with the girl, her mom, and the superintendant. No police were called in, no lawsuit was filed, no violence ensued.

CNN is covering unfair detentions now? What’s next for the venerable news network — Paula Zahn reveals the School Dress Code Infraction of the Week? Ian Anderson investigates the practice of giving wedgies in the locker room? Soledad O’Brien reports the lunch menu?

CNN obviously picked up this story from the AP, which got it from the local paper, which (unless it sends stringers to review school detention lists in search of hot leads) probably got the tip-off from the girl’s mother. This begs the question: When should a parent notify a news outlet about a situation in his or her child’s school?

Parents, it appears that some guidance is desperately needed. As a rule of thumb, let’s agree to alert the media only when your child’s rights have been egregiously violated by the school system. Examples include:

Your five-year-old is handcuffed by police for refusing to sit in her seat.

Your toddler is abandoned in the school bus all day.

A teacher recruits your child to kill her husband.

Note that infringement of First Amendment rights does not necessarily qualify as an egregious violation. Freedom of speech may be the cornerstone of democracy, but it is anathema to an orderly classroom. However, if there is an interesting angle to your First Amendment issue — say, your son has been suspended because he has posted photos of the school principal smoking on school grounds, where smoking is banned — by all means issue that press release.

But if your sweet Ashley is caught passing a note that says, “Do you like me? Check one: Yes/No,” but she REALLY DIDN’T write the note and was only handing it to little Aidan because that skank Madison threw it at her and she didn’t have any other choice and, what was she supposed to do? Because if she had let it drop to the floor that would be LITTERING and there are school rules against THAT, too, and anyway why shouldn’t kids be allowed to pass notes in class? …well, I don’t want to see that on Fox News any time soon.