I’m back in Ohio (State Motto: “Future Home of the Brooklyn Bridge, Which We Just Bought Off Some Guy!”). It’s a Groundhog Day repeat of last week’s business trip: same flights, same hotel, same dizzy wallpaper in the bathroom, same meetings. The only real difference is my hotel room number, leaving me standing in the elevator indecisively muttering, “15 or 18? 15 or 18?”

A bulletin from the glamorous world of interstate travel:

This is the maiden voyage of my new four-wheeled suitcase (hey, they spelled “surrey” incorrectly). All my suitcases disintegrated at once, so Husband and I rushed out to the mall on Sunday afternoon to buy one. It’s a 25-mile drive to the closest reliable department store. I swear, when I was in the Peace Corps living in a small town in North Africa, I had more convenient access to consumer goods and chattels than I do here on the North Shore of Boston. But there are 21 gift shops that sell scented candles within one mile of my home. (That said, guess how many candles we have in the house as a backup in the event of power failure? Two or three birthday candles, tops. The chandler’s kids, you know.)

Anyway, the new valise corners like it’s on rails. It eliminates a lot of the lugging that two-wheeled luggage usually requires. [Husband: “Lug…luggage…hey, I never put that together before.” Of course you didn’t, honey.] It makes me wonder why rolling suitcases didn’t always have four wheels. I mean, it’s not like four-wheel technology has only recently emerged. Why did it take us so long to figure it out?

Speaking of luggage…I saw someone wheeling a (two-wheeled, vastly inferior) bag that had one wheel with little LED lights inside of it that lit up as it spun. Cool…I guess…but why? Are we going to start tricking out our luggage with all kinds of after-market custom accessories? Will businessmen start walking around with suitcase spoilers and flashing luggage tags? It’s a trend you saw here first.

Speaking of trends…airports have been automating more and more of their bathroom fixtures. First the sink, then the toilet, then the soap dispenser, then the automatic seat covers (an O’Hare specialty…oh, how I love those seat covers and revere His Highness, Mayor Daley for awarding that nice fat contract to his crony in the tidy-toidy biz), and now the towel dispensers. Walk into any airport loo and you’ll find me waving my arms at the various magic eyes like I’m in the grip of St. Vitus’s Dance. But I have one fewer wave to deliver: the towel dispensers at the Columbus Intergalactic Spaceport now dispense towels automatically as soon as you rip the existing towel off. Hey, ho, way to go, Ohio!