Early this morning in Port City, an unknown celestial object was spotted in the eastern sky. Villagers consulted official records, but could find no mention of the star’s prior appearance. Many were frightened by this singular occurrence, convinced that it was a sign of divine displeasure for some collective sin — not approving the parking garage, perhaps. Others were cheered by its radiant aspect and bravely (some say, foolhardily) ventured out of doors to bathe in its glow.

Only time will tell if this cosmic event bodes good or ill.