Aitch is recovering from his ear infection, but not quickly enough. His temper has been so vile lately that we’re running out of epithets…I mean, endearments…that contain the word “crab.” Examples: My Little Crab Rangoon, Sour Crabapple, Crab Salad, Soft-Shelled Crab.

Seriously, it’s getting ugly. We’re trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he’s sick, but if this keeps up and it turns out it’s a permanent personality change, we’re going to have to have him kidnapped and taken to some kind of baby boot camp in Montana for an attitude adjustment.

Two weeks ago, when Husband was away frolicking in Key West* for the week, Aitch and I were very chummy. He would regularly cuddle up to me and whisper, “Wuv you, Mommy.” This week, after I returned from my grueling trip, where I spent a week slaving to put food on our table**, Aitch has decided to punish me by crying hysterically whenever I try to take over child care duties from his father. (For the record, he doesn’t act this way when Husband comes back for a business trip.) To make things worse, Aitch has categorically refused to return my “I love you.” That hurts.

Last night I put him to bed, and there were some signs of softening toward me. He was cradled in my lap, and I was singing and talking softly to him as he stroked my face very gently with his hand.

“I’ll always love you, Aitch.” I cooed. “You know why? Because I’m your mommy, and mommies always love their little boys.”

He grinned drowsily and caressed my cheek.

“You know what else?” I said. “You love me, too.”

He looked directly into my eyes and said very softly, “No.”

“Of course you do, Aitch,” I said. “Why don’t you say, ‘I love you, Mommy’? That would make Mommy really happy.”

He smiled beatifically and whispered something.

“What was that, dearest?” I asked, leaning closer.

“No way.”

Crab cakes with tartar sauce!

*He was in Key West but says he barely made it out of the hotel room. I believe him because he came back just as white as he left, and he didn’t take the sunscreen.

**Whereas I was enjoying business class service to and from Europe and only had to work a day and a half.