In spite of our social worker, we have been doing our best to prepare Aitch for his upcoming role as big brother. I say “in spite of our social worker” because, at the referral meeting, she recommended that we hold off on telling Aitch about the new baby because of the possibilty that “the birth mother might reclaim the baby, or — God forbid — the baby might die.”

God forbid indeed! Occasionally a Korean birth mother does reclaim a baby placed for adoption. I don’t have exact figures, but based on the highly anecdotal evidence on the adoption boards, I’d say the chances were low, perhaps in the 1 - 5% range. Given the birth mother’s circumstances, I’d lean more toward the lower end. And as for the other comment, WHY IS THIS WOMAN TALKING TO ME ABOUT MY PERFECTLY HEALTHY BABY DYING? Do I look like the kind of person who is far too carefree for her own good, who doesn’t struggle daily to banish thoughts of death just so she can function?

Can you imagine telling someone this about their biological child? “Mrs. Smith, congratulations on your new son! You might want to wait a few weeks before telling your older kids — never know when he might pop off.”

Have I ever mentioned my intense distrust of social workers?

Anyway, to ready Aitch for the big event, I checked the book Jin Woo out of the library. It’s the story of a family of three — mother, father, and young boy — who adopt a Korean infant. It tells the story from the time the family get the “travel call” for their baby through the airport meeting and homecoming, and touches on the older child’s ambivalence about his new brother. The circumstances in the book match ours almost perfectly, save for the fact that the older brother in the book is white.

I have to confess that the first time I read this book to Aitch, when I got to the part where the escort handed the baby over to the adoptive family, I started bawling. The scene reminded me so much of Aitch’s homecoming, and I was so eager to relive that scene with our new little one, that I couldn’t stop myself. Frustrated literary critic that I am, though, I can’t help picking out a few little things about the book that bothered me:

1. As the baby is coming off the plane, the mother spots him with the escort, and then they disappear down an escalator. The mother anxiously asks, “Where has she taken him?” and the father says, “They have to go through customs, sweetheart…. They’ll be back.” I don’t know, maybe I’m getting cranky in my old age, but this strikes me as stereotypical “anxious, clueless woman” vs. “strong, worldly man.” Imagine it the other way around: “Dad clutches at Mom’s arm. ‘Where has she taken him?’ he whispers. ‘They have to go through customs, sweetheart,’ Mom says. ‘They’ll be back.’” It doesn’t seem realistic when Dad’s the nervous Nellie, does it?

2. When the family brings Jin Woo home, the neighbors gather to welcome him. The older boy is feeling left out, so a neighbor tries to make him feel better by recalling the big fuss his parents made when he was first adopted, including the fact that the father stood on the front porch and sang, “God Bless America.” What are we supposed to make of this? Is it a comment on how lucky the boys are to have been adopted by parents with US citizenship? Since the older boy is not specifically identified as foreign-born, it seems oddly placed in his story, and not in Jin Woo’s. In any case, it’s a bit offensive. Although I’m as patriotic as the next person, and I think that America offers great opportunities to the poor, tired, huddled masses, adoption is about matching children to parents, not matching children to democracies.

3. On the way home, Jin Woo’s car seat is facing forward, although he’s clearly not yet a year old. How did this get past the fact checkers? As I turned the page I was imagining the happy family getting pulled over by the police and being sternly lectured on infant safety.

4. And I especially hate the way the social worker cautions the family against getting too close to the baby, because he might die.

Oh, right. That didn’t happen in the book. No one would have found it believable.