For a little while last week, the conversation at the Holt Korea adoption board turned from referrals and travel calls to that most dangerous of Holy Trinities: religion, politics, and sex. Someone posted a poll asking for opinions on Catholic Charities’ decision to stop providing adoption services in Massachusetts. There were a few civilized exchanges, but it wasn’t long before the anti-gay remarks started flying, supported by Bible verses.

I was astounded. Then I thought back to a post on Julia’s blog about an acquaintance who made an remark complaining about the “Gay Agenda” at a book club Julia was hosting. I tried to imagine what would happen if someone came out with a gay-bashing comment at any event on my unglamorous social calendar: kiddie birthday party, weekly doggie play date, movie night with the girls. I think he or she would be shunned: perhaps politely, out of a desire to keep the peace, perhaps not so politely, but shunned nonetheless.

Now, I know I live in a liberal bubble, but honestly: are there still circles (outside of Bible study groups) where remarks like these are NOT received with incredulous gasps?

A few people came forward on the Holt thread to protest the pro-religious, anti-gay comments; sometimes, they protested the tone in which the comments were delivered. Immediately, the religious anti-gays came forward to complain that their religious freedoms were being abridged and their feelings not tolerated:

I often find it interesting that everyone calls for “tolerance”, [sic] but, oftentimes, people with “traditional values” do not garner the same sort of “tolerance” from those who are requiring “tolerance” from them.

A lot of the PUBLIC are religious and few seem to be able to TOLERATE that. It’s getting to the point where it’s the Christians who are being singled out and tolerance never seems to go the other direction. What the gay/lesbian lobby wants is total acceptance in every realm of society.

And…we have a Gay Agenda! What is the nefarious agenda? “Total acceptance”? The horror.

(Do you hear a tiny violin playing a sad, sad song for the poor Christians who are “singled out” for “intolerance”? Those pathetic, repressed people who make up a Moral Majority of the population? Who share their values with the president, the vice-president, and most of both houses of Congress?)

I couldn’t help responding to these comments, but Julie said it on Julia’s thread much better than I said it on the Holt thread:

“Disagreeing with [someone’s] being gay” is just like “disagreeing with someone’s being black,” or blonde, or short…. And if you’re going to disagree with such an immutable human trait — and by the way, if you’re dead set on being judgmental, let’s be precise and say you DISAPPROVE — then own that bigotry. Don’t try to dignify what is, at bedrock, bigotry as a stance deserving of protection and tolerance.”

Straight infertiles and gays have a lot in common, and I would love to see some of the Bible-thumpers get past the “gay as abomination” smokescreen so they could see it. First, we’re all forced to explore “alternative” methods to have children–assisted reproductive technology or adoption. Thus, laws regarding ART that may be established to hurt the “Gay Agenda” can easily hurt the “straight infertile” agenda as well. (Virginia, I’m looking at you.) Also, discriminatory stances against gay parents promote the concept that there is a scientifically valid ideal parenting model. Think about it: if people can be prohibited from adopting because they’re the wrong gender combination, what’s to stop the prohibition of transracial adoption, adoption of a child from a different religious background, or even international adoption? In all those cases, the adoptive placement certainly violates the two-parent, in-country, homogeneous race-and-religion ideal.

I leave you with one last quote from the thread:

Can I feel sad that children are adopted into homes by parents that are not only non-religious, but anti-Christian - absolutely, but I am never without hope that change can happen.

I’m hoping for change, too.