I have to work.  On a weekend!  Starting at 8:00 a.m.!  Both days!  In Washington!  In Washington in August!

My outrage is slightly tempered by the fact that the hotel is luxurious, and there are worse things, I suppose, than two nights’ sleep uninterrupted by midnight feedings.

Some highlights from the trip:

  • Item:  On the plane, I sat behind a man who was the living embodiment of Dwight Schrute from the American “Office,” with a little bit of Gareth Keenan from the British “Office” thrown in.  He was wearing a replica of a Union soldier cap. He was on his way home from Ireland, where he had been sent by “the government.” Next time, the government is sending him business class.  He claimed that Irish breakfasts were “amazing” and then listed, at length, the morning menu at his hotel (”Breads:  white, wheat, soda, sourdough.  Muffins.  Bacon, sausage. Fruits:  bananas, apples, you name it.  Oh, I forgot the scones”), a list that did not seem to vary much from the buffet on offer at any mid-priced hotel in the Western hemisphere. His seatmate, who must have been a therapist, was incredibly patient and polite.  I was straining to hear the “ding” that would signal that approved electronic devices could now be used to DROWN OUT THE TALKING.
  • Item: My talk was a disaster. All the other presenters used the audio-visual guys’ laptop in the back of the room, with a control for advancing slides, but I was demoing some software in addition to slides, so I needed my own computer.  When I got to the front of the room to hook it up, I found a 15-pin female connector that did not fit any of the male ports on my computer. The AV guy gave me a strange look, like, “What kind of mutant laptop are you carrying, you Communist?” although it’s a standard (non-exploding) recent-vintage PC like 98% of the business world carries. He found the adapter quickly enough, and I plugged it in, hit Function + F4, and watched my first slide explode into a riot of sick purple on the two colossal screens behind me. The presentation was a little rough, because the lights were blinding, and the audience wasn’t miked, leaving me unable to hear any of the questions. I got through all my slides and said, “So, let’s take a look at the software” when the audience let me know that the screens behind me were frozen on the first slide. My laptop had shown all the slides advancing, and was now displaying the software login screen, but the displays were stuck on the first slide.  Husband informs me that this is not technically possible, as projectors have no memory. All I can think of is that the AV guys happened to bring up my slide presentation on their system at the exact moment that I Function + F4′d my computer, and that my computer was never really hooked up to the projector. But wouldn’t they have said something?  The AV guys, all atwitter, said, ”It’s a serious malfunction!” and took about 10 minutes to replace a cable, while the audience talked among themselves. I looked like a complete technodork.
  • Item:  I was able to work off a few of the Godiva truffles (meeting swag; why not a pen?) I ingested in despair after my talk by running around the Tidal Basin. It’s probably the unhealthiest running route in the country, because jetliners fly mere hundreds of feet overhead on their approaches to Reagan, and a security helicopter makes a menacing run, even lower, every ten minutes. Still, it was very scenic, and I got to take in the Washington Monument, the Jefferson Memorial, and the FDR Memorial.

Another talk to look forward to tomorrow, then home.