Try this:

Sit cross-legged on the floor.

Now uncross your legs so that the sides of your ankles are pressed on the floor and the soles of your feet are facing each other.

Raise your arms in the air.

Now, using your abdominal and thigh muscles, propel yourself forward, sliding your butt on the floor.

Come on, use those abs. Try to get a little air between your butt and the floor.

Until yesterday, this was Minor’s primary means of locomotion. I posted a video of him when he was just learning this maneuver, but since then he’s really perfected it. I mean, this kid can scoot almost as fast as I can walk. If he and I both spot the dog’s unguarded water dish on the floor from the same distance at the same time, it’s a total toss-up as to whether I’ll reach it in enough time to save us from a flood.

Minor’s scooting excites a lot of comment when we are out in public. I took him to Florida last weekend, and people were pointing and laughing at him as he scooted through the terminal in the airport, down the aisle of the plane, and in the sand on the beach (leaving a rather interesting-looking trail). And by “pointing and laughing at him” I don’t mean “paying a lot of attention to him.” I mean POINTING with OUTSTRETCHED FINGERS. And LAUGHING THEIR HEADS OFF. I always feel compelled to explain that Minor scoots because he can’t crawl, and I’m getting kind of tired of having that conversation.

When Minor first starting scooting in lieu of crawling, our friends all told us that meant he would be an early walker. But to walk, you have to cruise; to cruise, you have to stand; to stand, you have to kneel; and to kneel you have to bear weight on your knees. This is something that Minor has steadfastly refused to do. When I say he has never crawled, I don’t mean he prefers scooting to crawling; I mean I have NEVER seen this kid on his knees. Sometimes, if he wants to retrieve a toy under a low table, he hunches over in the attitude of Christina’s World and kind of drags himself along with his hands, but he never actually moves forward on all fours. Sometimes I wonder if he has pediatric Osgood-Schlatter’s disease, the minor deformity that has (mercifully) stood between me and a career as a scullery maid.

Consequently, Minor couldn’t stand until he developed the ability to launch himself airborne from a sitting position, gaining enough momentum to grasp an ottoman or low table and pull himself up. The height he gets is amazing — he’s like one of those flying yogis. This kid must have the abs of a bodybuilder under all that chub.

So at long last, Minor is walking. The same people that told us he would be an early walker have said that he will slim down a bit once he’s ambulatory. Fathers, lock up your daughters!