Tue 11 Sep 2007
When I heard that teaser on the local news, I steeled myself for a sordid tale of a shameless hussy who locked her kid in a hot, airless car for hours to hit the mall. But here’s what really happened:
A woman drove to downtown Wellesley, Mass to run some errands.
Her eighteen-month-old was asleep in the car seat.
She parked the car on the street, rolled down the windows, and went into one of the shops. The street was probably visible from the shop, although I don’t know this for sure.
After 5 minutes someone noticed the solo baby and called the police.
About 5 minutes later the cops arrived and located the woman in the shop. They charged her with reckless endangerment and called child services.
I ask you: Is this an overreaction, or what?
Confession: I have been known to step out of the parked car for brief periods of time while the boys are still strapped in — for example, to pick up the dog at day care, or to run into the drive-in to pick up a takeout order. (In both cases, the car is parked right in front of the door, and I remain outside the building. I also sometimes take advantage of the brief, beautiful lull that ensues when they are both strapped in their seats in the driveway to run into the house so I can load bags into the car, pee, grab my coat, tidy up a few things, etc. I suppose that qualifies me for handcuffs.
I have never left the kids in the car to run INTO a store, but not because I think my children would suffer mentally or physically. No, it is chiefly because I am afraid of the kind of censure that this poor Wellesley woman is enduring. Frankly, I would be thrilled if I could park outside the convenience store, leave the kids behind, and run inside for a loaf of bread. (OK, that is a lie. If I were going to leave the kids behind I wouldn’t waste it on the convenience store. It is the liquor store run that would really benefit from an absence of children. Just think how that would look on the news.) Have you ever tried to control a toddler in a parking lot or a store aisle filled with breakables? Leaving them in the car is at least as safe as shopping.
In the Wellesley case, the cop interviewed on the news (female) opined that it is irresponsible to leave alone a baby for any length of time since “there could be a medical emergency.” I would counter that a sleeping child strapped in a car seat in a stationery car is probably safer than 99% of her counterparts at that given moment. We routinely leave unrestrained sleeping children alone for up to 11 hours a night, and as far as I know there is no requirement to station a lifeguard in front of a video monitor in your home for those overnight hours.
The woman-on-the-street who called the cops raised the only real safety issue here: “The windows were down and if we could get to the baby, so could anybody.” Abductions are rare and probably just as likely to occur in a crowded store. It was probably a bit of a risk for the mother to take, perhaps mitigated if she were keeping an eye on the car. Bad judgment, certainly. But criminally negligent? I feel the pain of the Good Samaritan who had an obligation, once she discovered the solo baby, to stick around until she was sure the child was safe. But the woman could have achieved this just as easily by poking her head in a few shops before she called the cops.
Am I way out of line here? Because this just seems like demonizing the mother.
The other day I took Minor to the playground downtown to play. He insisted on going into the kids’ clothing store to buy a lollipop (damn that store! Why not stick to clothes?). A woman was shopping in their with her two girls, and when we came back out to the playground one of the girls, a five-year-old, came out with us. The mother shopped for about half an hour while the girl continued to play with Minor. (She must have been an heiress because that place is stocked with $40 onesies and $50 infant concert t-shirts. Half an hour? She must have vacated her trust fund.) Finally the mother came back and said to me, “Really irresponsible, right, leaving my child out here while I was shopping? She could have fallen.” I could tell she was half-trying to apologize for sticking me with her kid, and half-trying to stave off any judgment I might be throwing her way. I responded, “She could have fallen if you were right here.”
I didn’t feel it was any huge imposition to keep an eye on her little girl. In fact, I keep an eye out for other children all the time, even if their mothers are right there, and other parents do the same for my child. In fact, the other day some other woman told Minor not to run with his lollipop, and I thanked her for looking out for him. I suppose I should also have thanked her for not reporting my dereliction of duty to the authorities.
What do you think? Is it ever acceptable to leave your child alone? At what age? Would you have called the police on the Wellesley woman? The shopping woman? On me, if you saw my children alone in the car in the driveway?
September 11th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
If I had just pulled up to the curb and saw the kids in the car, I might be concerned enough to mention something to the clerk in the store so the mother could be called. I might wait outside and call the police if the mother didn’t return in 10 minutes. My reasons for doing so would be because its 100 degrees in the shade down here and kids have died of heat stroke from being left in cars, even with the windows cracked. If I was outside on a brisk summer day in Mass, I’m not sure I’d be as worried - or just worried enough to hang around, reading a book and keeping a quiet eye on the child.
September 11th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
I’ve often fantasized about opening a drive-through convenience store where moms can pull up to a window for diapers, milk, a dvd rental, children’s Tylenol, and a salad. Or maybe hot guys on roller skates could take our orders and load the bags into our trunks. There could be theme weeks where the guys wear cowboy hats and boots instead of skates or maybe contruction crew outfits. Hmm. Probably couldn’t get zoning approval in our town where the only adult video store burned down under suspicious circumstances.
I’m currently struggling with the tension between proper shopping cart etiquette and child abandonment. Perhaps its my Midwestern innocence, but I get steamed when people leave their carts in the parking lot. Yet, as I walk to return the cart with my kids and groceries locked in the car out of the elements (sun, rain, snow, wind, crazy drivers) I often wonder, what if someone runs over me and no one finds my kids in the car? So, each time I shop, I perform a cost-benefit analysis of whether to return my shopping cart based upon the distance from the cart rack/store, the amount of traffic, and the heat index and danger of my kids suffocating in the car. Is there a universal rule of etiquette I can apply in this situation?
September 11th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
@SAHM I am,
I too hate shopping carts strewn about the parking lot (and I’m from Brooklyn). Here’s what I do, I simply don’t put them in the car at the same time as the groceries. Instead, I wheel them back to the cart drop-off and then carry/walk them back to the car. Then I strap them in.
Regarding leaving the kids in the car in general. In the driveway, fine. In our driveway anyway, which is at the end of a twisty cul de sac. At the doggie day care, fine; it’s miles from any foot traffic. On a downtown street, not at all. Simply due to the ease of kidnapping.
September 11th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Suz, I should have mentioned, it was in the mid-60s that day. I too would definitely call the police or fire department for any child or dog stuck inside a car with the windows rolled up.
SAHM, your drive-through vision is actually coming true in Seattle, only marketed to the other sex:
Some coffee stands get steamier
And on that note, I saw my first drive-through Starbucks in NH the other day. Why don’t more businesses offer drive-through?
September 12th, 2007 at 12:18 am
Well, in defense of the woman who called the police, she couldn’t possibly have known where the baby’s parent was, or how long they’d been gone. Ditto the police officer who responded. Also, whether or not the woman was keeping an eye on the car and/or the baby, if somebody had wanted either the car or the baby, she probably wouldn’t be able to move fast enough to prevent the theft.
I totally agree that the odds of spontaneous stranger abduction are incredibly low and yet perceived to be quite high. On the other hand, it seems like this kind of situation has a higher probability, and lord knows nobody needs this kind of record following them around.
September 12th, 2007 at 10:03 am
Leaving the kid in the car in the driveway? Sure. I’ve done that while I ran inside the house to get blanket/toy/juice. Takes about 1 minute.
On a busy street? To go shopping? No way. No way. Sorry, call me paranoid, but there are some bad people out there. Chances may be miniscule, but it’s big enough for me. Not that I would have called the police, but I probably would have stayed by the car, wondering where the hell the parents were.
And she obviously wasn’t watching the car. Otherwise, the cops wouldn’t have had to find her.. she would have come running out. Someone could have plucked her kid out of the car and she wouldn’t have known it.
However, some people do overeact about everything. I took my youngest supermarket shopping with me when she was 2 months old. Car carrier strapped into the cart seat. I walked 2 feet away from her to get creamer and some old lady yelled at me for “abandoning” her. Two..feet..away.
September 12th, 2007 at 10:50 am
There have been plenty of times that I’ve left my sleeping son in the car — he’s always been a terrible napper, and every single time I attempted a Car to Bed transfer he woke up. (Like all children woken too soon from a nap, every single time he woke up GRUMPY.) At home, I have a parking pad in the back, accessible only via a dead-end alley, which I can easily see from the kitchen and TV room. If he falls asleep in the car, and it’s not too hot, I’ll let him sleep for as long as he wants. I’ve also left him sleeping on the back porch if we’ve been out and he’s fallen asleep in the stroller.
But I would never have left him sleeping alone in the car on the street or in a public parking lot. Never. Honestly, my biggest concern about that is that I’d have CPS called on me. At least when he’s asleep in the car on our parking pad, no one can SEE that I’m a terrible mother who has abandoned her child.
September 12th, 2007 at 11:57 am
OK, had to chime in again to discuss backyard play. My kids are almost 4 and almost 5 and just this summer I’ve felt comfortable allowing them to continue playing in our fenced-in back yard while I run in to the bathoom or for snacks, watching out the window the whole time. Then, I learned that the neighbor spotted a lynx in our yard one night. Geez! I’d worried about pervs, bees, and poison mushrooms, but I hadn’t considesred the possibility of a bobcat running off with one of the kids. I still allow myself bathroom breaks, but now I expect our standard poodle to stand guard until I get back. I figure he could hold off a lynx for three minutes. what do you think?
September 14th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
I leave my kids strapped in, in the driveway all the time for the same reasons. I also leave them 1.)Strapped in and 2.)Locked in my mini-van while I go into a business where I can SEE my van at all times and it’s a less than 5 minute stop…like the convience store or dry cleaners or movie store. Usually I resort to this when they’ve fallen asleep. If they’ve fallen asleep in the car on the way home and the weather if fine, I’ll roll down the windows and do some work outside or within earshot.
As for the Wellesley woman - I would have stopped, waited 5-10 minutes, and then poked my head in the shop to say “I haven’t seen anyone check this baby in 7 minutes. Is the mother here? Should I call the police?”
I too watch out for others’ kids. In the Native American culture I was raised in; it was expected. Akin to how siblings’ get in trouble for the other sibling’s actions.
I have a 20 & 3 mo babies - I can’t get in the house without leaving one strapped in.
September 19th, 2007 at 1:35 am
I’m sort of old school here in that I remember sitting with my brother in the backseat of our mom’s giant plymouth waiting while she did her entire grocery shopping so I do do some very quick errands while my kids (ages 7, 5 and 2) are in their car seats - things like Leah above mentioned: convenience store, dry cleaners etc. but only for a moment and when I’m parked out in front. Do people take their kids out of the car every time they go to the ATM, have to pay the gas station attendant inside the mini-mart, or drop their library books in the after-hours drop? What’s different? Seems like there could be some double standards going on in Wellesley……people make exceptions to the rule when it suits them.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:25 am
I have 2 children and it sucks to take them to the market with me however, there is no way I would ever leave them in the car alone even if they were asleep. You never know what could happen and I am not willing to take chances with their safty. If your that concerned about taking your kids out with you leave them at home with mom, dad, aunt, uncle, older sibling, etc. or hire a sitter!!! Seems like common sense to me.