We Portions (Port City denizens) are not too fashion-conscious. It’s perfectly acceptable to tool around town looking like you just stepped off the beach or your boat. In winter, especially, all caution is thrown to the winds (out of the nor’east, gusting to 40 mph). You wear whatever gets you through the day. No one’s looking at you anyway. They can’t see, what with the hat, goggles, and scarf obscuring their vision.

In my rarefied social circle, functional winter outerwear is referred to as a “dog-walking coat.” Ostensibly, a dog-walking coat is an old but warm and waterproof coat you throw on to walk the dog in the salt marsh, but in reality you see a lot of dog-walking coats walking around town sans dog. My dog-walking coat, a bilious green down jacket covered in dog drool and lollipop spit, might also be my grocery-shopping coat or even my going-out-to-dinner coat on days when winter has just ground me down to an apathetic lump.

For years I have been eyeing, with a mixture of horror and envy, one particular dog-walking coat sported by several human members of my dog play group. It’s like the X-treme dog-walking coat; every essential quality (warmth, comfort, indestructibility, color and texture that allow dog hair to blend in) is included to the max. It is a full-length down coat in a utilitarian brown or matte black, with a large, fake fur-trimmed hood, made by that arbiter of style, L.L. Bean. Basically, it’s a down comforter with sleeves.

I finally broke down and bought one.

I wore it for the first time to the gym yesterday, accompanied by my pink not-Ugg boots, the ones that look like bedroom slippers. I looked like a flu sufferer who had just arisen from bed, pulling the covers with her for warmth, to go heat up some chicken soup in the kitchen. In short, I was ridiculous. But a winter storm sprang up while I was on the treadmill, and the whole time I spent digging out the car, driving to the grocery store, loading and unloading the bags, etc. I was as warm and toasty as if I were in bed.

(The dog also has a dog-walking coat, but his is quite stylish.)

adirondack