Husband and I took the kids to my sister-in-law’s wedding last weekend. The bridegroom is called “Slammer”; this probably gives you a better mental picture of the nuptials than any word-portrait I could produce. (Me: “Why is he called ‘Slammer’? Was he in prison?” Husband: “His real nickname is ‘Slam-Bam.’ Slammer is just sort of…a diminutive of his nickname.”)

It was actually a really fun wedding, being sort of boozy and informal. The children were in their element, particularly Aitch. I barely saw him the whole evening, he was so busy partying, but at one point he asked me to escort him to the bathroom. As we walked through the crowd, he was hailed by children and adults alike: “Aitch! What’s up, buddy! Give me five!” I felt like I was on the arm of the fraternity social chair during Rush Week.

Before the fun reception, though, we were forced to endure a full-court Mass, and I was a bit worried that the boys’ behavior would give away the fact that it was their first appearance at a church service. As I was fretting about that, another worry occurred to me: Would it be better, under the circumstances, to take Communion, or to refuse it?

If it were only a matter of politeness vs. principles, I would definitely vote for taking Communion, both to be sociable and to avoid offense to my mother-in-law, who would be distressed by having our apostasy on display. This was the course that Husband advocated. Catholics, however, have very strict requirements for Communion, and I was concerned that if my mother-in-law was aware of the rules she would be even more offended by our taking Communion when we were not in a state of grace, particularly since neither of us have gone to Confession since contracting our invalid marriage, a mortal sin.

(By the way, how lame is it that our marrying outside the church is an offense on par with murder? What a pathetic cautionary tale we are: “Sin is a slippery slope, kids, and once you stray from the church you could end up like them — hard-working, tax-paying degenerates with two illegitimate but yet legally adopted children, a mortgage, and a dog!”)

About ten years ago, I was in a wedding party where the Communion question came up. All the bridesmaids were Catholic, so I determined that I would take Communion just so I wouldn’t cause any comment by refusing. Before the sacrament, though, the priest specifically disinvited all the non-Catholics and the non-practicing Catholics from Communion. As it happened, the bridegroom and his family were Protestant, and they were pretty offended by the priest’s words. I’ve never heard any other priest lay down the law for Communion since then, though.

What was the right thing to do, in your opinion?