Dear Wellness Week organizers,

Thank you for your recent efforts re: Wellness Week. The posters are colorful and plentiful, and nothing says fun like “Free Mammograms at Work!”

I must object, though, to your declaration of “No Elevator Fridays.” Now, I’m as big a proponent of “wellness” as the next guy (back in the day, we used to call it “health”). I ran twenty miles last week! I took two yoga classes! I ate ten apples!

But…look at me. Over here. I’m wearing high heels. I’m carrying fifteen pounds of computer and accessories. Do I look like I want to schlep up three flights of stairs to my office? No. Here’s a clue: If I were interested in engaging in activities that promote wellness (back in the day, we used to call it “exercise”), I would be wearing athletic shoes and a running bra so strong it could subdue a guerrilla insurgency.

In short: I will take the damn elevator if I want to.